~Wonder~

I had a strange dream the other night. I was in a house, well maintained and lived…was it my home or was I just visiting? …It is hard to tell when it comes to dreaming. I looked around and was greeted by one of my aunts, the enthusiastic one, full of gossip and life. At one point I lost context of what I was doing there, then suddenly, the walls of the house were covered in thick dark cobwebs, resembling tar. The house was getting older and its walls wrinkled as if it had aged dramatically within a few seconds. The rooms were getting dark and ghastly. I was afraid and out of my wits …why was this happening?! Then my aunt entered the room, as I left it dejected. 

She called me back inside. As I entered I was astonished to see that the house had gone back to its glory and was as good as before. But upon my arrival it again began to wilt like a flower. And then it happened, a sudden pang of realization, right in the middle of my chest…the house was reacting to my inner self. 

I was the one ageing the house with my inner dialogue and my state of mind. I realized when I spoke well to my own self the house looked splendid but the moment self doubt crept in the house grew dark and gloomy. 

The house didn't just react to my despair but also to my self pity. I knew I have not been there for me like I promised I would. My self pity had made me hopeless and my search for truth made me disinterested. I thought I was growing more scientific minded but isn't it the basic rule of scientific thinking to always keep the sense of wonder alive? 

I had lost my sense of wonder and had grown bitter and hopeless. I thought I was being brave and logical, but all I managed to become was a hopeless person with no room for the unexpected. I felt the rot inside me. 

I can never go back to being "spiritual" like I used to. I don't want to hold the universe hostage to my desires. I just want to face whatever comes my way, without a sense of injustice and a heart filled with whole lot of wonder. 

The house like my subconscious has wilted only to be restored slowly with a true sense of faith in life and a sense of wonder.

The dream was a revelation, I think losing my shallow spirituality paved the way towards finding Magic.