Bouts

It must be a vitamin deficiency, mom says,

dad says it's nothing but lethargy and lack of enterprise,

brother's wife says it because of lack of money,

while my brother ... well, he doesn't give a damn...

My dog on the other hand, asks no questions, even if she does how will I ever understand, for she might judge me silently as well, if only I knew her language... But she is always by my side, full of love, no questions asked. 

All have their theories, for why I have these sudden bouts of crying...

Crying just like the time I saw Zero (my previous dog) pass away; crying like when I read the last two chapters of the book 'Five People You Meet in Heaven'; when I met the person I admired for so long and spent the same night crying, feeling a pang in my heart, knowing we might never meet again...and crying just like when a dear friend said nasty things to me, which no apology can wipe away....

I can call these experiences tiny heartbreaks... for now I am fully aware of what a heart break is... I am still recovering from it and as time has passed, the bitter demeanor of mine has faded away, but like a dormant volcano suddenly deciding to awaken, these sudden pangs of longing and pain erupt and I start to weep...the pain feels hot and suffocating like molten lava covering my chest and as it cools, nothing is left but heaviness...  

How long and how far do I take this feeling? Will the arrival of someone new soothe all the pain, make everything better? Will I feel enthusiastic and giddy each time I see them? Will the everyday conversations of sweet nothings make me loose the sense of time and space, all over again? Will looking at this new person make me feel at ease and will our eyes meet across a crowded room and we will perfectly understand what is going on in our minds? Will spending hours talking things of absolutely no significance feel like an escape into our little world? Will our embrace melt away all my troubles and make me feel at home?

I understand that love exists within me and I am the source of all the love I seek, but the object of my affection has left such a void that even I cannot enter the space and occupy it... No I am not incomplete, but without him I am a bit withered and fragile... abandoned like a sock separated from its pair.